![]() He’s polite, he has a job, and he has never once called Eliza “a squashed cabbage leaf” while making fun of her for being poor in front of an entire street full of Edwardians. If you’re going to enter into a lavender marriage, it should be with someone delightful who thinks you’re sweet. Higgins” or even “Professor” right until he dies - his damn slippers and listening to him criticize your interior decorating choices without ever offering a constructive suggestion. Oh, I’m sorry, do you have a problem with men who match their spats to their top hats and have handsomeness sewn into every lineament of their face? Then go ahead and spend the rest of your miserable life fetching Henry - who will never let you call him Henry, you know, he will insist on being called “Mr. The following is a partial but by no means complete list of My Fair Lady characters who would have done a better job of making Eliza happy than Henry Higgins, who looks like the fey ghost of John Wayne and is real mean. Not Maggie Gyllenhaal, and not Audrey Hepburn, even though she is now dead. ![]() His attraction to women as a gender is questionable at best his treatment of Eliza is worse than how James Spader treats Maggie Gyllenhaal in that stupid movie about chaining your secretary to your desk until she pees herself. He is a terrible man, and not fun terrible either, like Wesley Snipes on 30 Rock, just regular terrible, like the mean manager who works at every BevMo. ![]() No man who wears hats that unbecoming has any right to be such a prescriptivist in matters of dialect (what is that brown, shapeless mess he has on his head in the opening scene? It is an insult to hats, and his coat is no better). One need not be a fan of Audrey Hepburn to consider it a moral outrage that My Fair Lady ends with a continuation of Henry Higgins’ weirdly critical, sexless relationship with Eliza Doolittle (you can always pretend it’s the Julie Andrews stage version, if that helps). ![]()
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